WHOSE VOICE DID I LISTEN TO?
I promised in my previous blogs that I would begin to unravel the threads of my experiences with the weird and the wonderful. This was definitely one of the weird ones but it may well have saved my life.
I had just finished my freshman year at college and was returning home from a visit to the ‘love of my life’. However, the reason for the visit was to say a final tearful goodbye to a 4 year relationship that I was completely convinced would culminate in marriage. It didn’t. I felt used, thrown away and worthless. A great self-image.
The night was dark and clear. The road, a 2 lane blacktop with virtually no shoulders but a narrow edge of gravel and steep embankments. No place to just pull the car over and cry.
As I traveled this 10 o’clock road, radio blasting, I was waiting for a sad song to cap the mood. The road had hills and curves but I knew it well, traveling it for several years all through my school days. As I maneuvered curves and hills of this Iowa country road, a voice began to whisper in my left ear from just behind my seat. It was like a mantra: “It’s all right. Go ahead. It’ll be easy. Turn the wheel. Go ahead. They won’t find you. He’ll be sorry. Go ahead, turn the wheel…”
The voice was relentless and smooth—hypnotic. You see, I was being guided to drive off the road and kill myself. I stared straight ahead and actually listened, mesmerized, to the voice. I began to turn the wheel of my Buick and heard the crunch of the gravel under the tires…
At that moment, another voice, a different voice, this time from behind on my right side. This time the voice was anything but hypnotic.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING???” SCREAMED the new voice.
I was yanked back into reality. Oh my God! I was almost off the road at a point of a very steep embankment. I was right there. One second more and then…Oh my God!
I stopped at the bottom of the hill. I knew somebody had to be in that back seat! There were no cars in sight. I got out of my car-it was very dark that night, there was light from my headlights and a faint streetlight.
Opening all four of my car doors and realizing no one was there, I began to shake, also realizing that the voices were real-but not of this world.
One of the voices wanted me OUT of this world, and one wanted to keep me IN this world.
I stood in front of the headlights, stunned. I knelt on the blacktop and thanked God for what He had done—for ME. I really was special and important—to someone. To God.
Was I overwrought and hearing things? Would you suggest I needed some anti-anxiety meds? Perhaps. But over time I would come to know otherwise. Signs and wonders are everywhere, and most certainly in my life.